The Illusion of Instant Gratification and The Beauty of Delay
“Just wait.”
From a young age, these words grate the nerves like nails on a chalkboard. With a wrinkled nose, stomp of a foot, and crossed arms, our instinct is to say “NO, I want it now.” Patience is difficult to come by, and often we have very little experience waiting for what we want.
So what makes waiting so hard? Maybe because we have convinced ourselves that we deserve what we want, at the exact moment we want it. Perhaps it is the empty time between being without and finally getting what we want. Or in the immaterial sense, perhaps we despise the feeling of being wronged and the one who wronged us being “off the hook” when we pause to react. Maybe it is a little of all of these.
The Illusion of Instant Gratification
“Gratification,” or feeling satisfied, seemingly comes the sooner you have what you want. However, this is just a sly illusion. Instant gratification promises to make you feel better, relieved, whole. It’s built on the promise of fulfillment: if only you had the money, or got that next promotion, lived where you wanted, or “got the girl”, etc., THEN you would be happy.
What happens though when we have what we want; when we achieve what we have long sought-after? Our want only grows. Getting what we want does not abate the hunger for more, the target simply moves. When the gratification comes instantly, similarly, we are only satisfied for an instant. Inside us, we always clamor for more. We chase the taste of sweet relief yet again.
We are looking for fulfillment in the wrong spot
It is not a material thing that brings peace. Instant gratification does not provide the solution. Instant gratification only temporarily frees you from the pain of feeling like you’re not good enough as is. This is the illusion—that you are less than, or incomplete for being without.
It does make sense why we do this, we trade in our fears that we are not good enough for an instant of relief, the one moment where we have it all. But then reality sets in, and the feeling of ‘being not good enough as is’ surrounds us again.
However, relief does not have to remain for only an instant. We can find genuine relief in the beauty of delay.
The Beauty of Delay
The “beauty of delay”, or the virtue of patience, and the relief that follows is lasting and hopeful.
“And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” (Romans 5:3-5).
When I speak of delay, what I mean is the conscious choice to enjoy the journey with all its twists and turns, not simply to rush from place to place, or to wait to enjoy your life until you reach the final destination. As the opposite of instant gratification, it is not trusting in things to bring you fulfillment, but that in practicing and responding to delays in our life, we are engaged in the process of becoming.
Delay is so beautiful, for out of it shines—
Tenacity of Perseverance
Wisdom of Character
& Peace of Hope
These three are the fruit of embracing delay. The more you practice delay, it becomes an infectious way of living as each of these fruits builds upon the other.
Perseverance
Perseverance prepares you to withstand the difficult situations, trials, and feelings to come. This is not only surviving, it is consciously choosing who you will be on the other side of waiting. Those who persevere are that much more tenacious the next time a trial or test in life comes.
Think about the most patient people you know. How do they withstand the times when things don’t go according to plan? They persevere. They size up the situation and affirm that they will still be themselves no matter what occurs while their want or need is delayed. Perseverance then produces character.
Character
Your character is the grit that grows within you over the test of time. Character is deciding on the choices you will make without compromising your values. Instant gratification often demands compromising a part of yourself to get where you want to be now.
The beauty of delay is that it reinforces your character over time. Rather than compromising who you are or want to be, delay builds up a foundation of character within you that will not be shaken by future circumstances.
Hope
When you choose to stay true to who you are no matter the challenges you face, you have peace beyond circumstances. When your character does not sway with the seas of circumstance, and you see yourself come out stronger, you then have hope for the next voyage.
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Instant gratification leads to the tumultuous search for more. On the other hand, peace is found in being hopeful because it means accepting who you are versus floundering in the feeling of being incomplete without. Hope also means peace in feeling satisfied with what you have, as you are. When you trust in hope, you no longer feel ‘less than’ or focused on your external situation. You can find fulfillment that is much more lasting inside yourself.
Instant gratification creates such a convincing illusion that you will feel better when you have what you are without. Look closely at your life and take stock of how the shroud of this illusion falls. Then consider the lasting, timeless beauty of delay. With delay comes perseverance, character, and hope that stand the test of time and all circumstances.
“And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.”
Galatians 6:9
