Before You Get Married
What is Premarital Counseling?
Have you found yourself in a situation where you’re thinking, “I have found the one”, and you’re getting ready to make the next step? You may be thinking to yourself that you want to ‘do this right’, and are looking for guidance.
Premarital counseling is for anyone who wants to take a good look at their relationship and learn in which areas, you, as a couple, can grow in. This does not actually mean that you have to be engaged, but rather working towards marriage. The goal of premarital counseling is to identify any problems areas or ‘hotspots’ that can be addressed as well as give you skills necessary for effective communication.
Our team uses the SYMBIS (Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts) assessment to help guide couples in this goal as they work their way towards marriage.
Preventing Affairs
Children: Whether you already have them, or want more
Learn Communication and Conflict Resolution skills
Defining Timelines
Division of Household labor
Verbalizing and Managing Expectations
Finances
Defining Gender roles
Dealing with In-laws
Intimacy
Living situation
Mindset
Parenting Style
Sex
Spiritual Life
Wellbeing & Lifestyle
Benefits of Premarital Counseling
Build Communication Skills
Having good communication skills are one of the key components to a healthy relationship. We cannot solve any issues if we are not able to talk about them! Premarital counseling helps couples to grow in this area by teaching them effective communication skills and how to work through conflicts. Learning how to communicate effectively and fairly helps make arguments not as daunting and easier to navigate through.
2. Identify Potential Conflicts
Identifying and addressing potential conflicts in your relationship helps set you up for a healthy foundation for marriage. You are able to stave off potential hurt the quicker these conflicts are addressed.
This is why we use the Save Your Marriage Before It Starts assessment, in order that we’re able to identify these areas early on and learn how to work through them, together.
3. Money Matters
Arguments about money are often a main cause for divorce. Learning healthy financial planning and getting on the same page with finances with your significant other is another benefit to premarital counseling. This will help set the foundation of your relationship strong, knowing that you both have the same financial goals, are able to budget, and are aware of each other’s financial tendencies.
4. Verbalize & Discuss Expectations
Unmet expectations can make a relationship sour very quickly. Addressing expectations up front gives couples the opportunity to develop realistic expectations of each other. This helps by having both parties grounded in the reality of a relationship and not just a romanticized version built in fantasy. This will help in planning practical future goals, and even in discussing the timeline of when you expect large-scale life events to occur.
5. Helps Address Current Issues
In addition to identifying potential conflicts on the horizon, premarital counseling can also help to address any current issues that are occurring in the relationship. This is beneficial because not only are you in a safe place to work towards resolution on this issue, learning how to work together through this process at the outset of your relationship will be key in replicating it during all future conflicts.
6. You Gain Insight and Guidance
Premarital counseling gives couples insight from a professional on their relationship, that they might not have arrived at on their own. They are able to not only better identify strengths and growth areas in their relationship but they are also given guidance on how to navigate through both the good and bad.
7. Divorce Prevention
Lastly, premarital counseling is a great step towards divorce prevention. Relationships are not always easy and require hard work but facing the challenges head-on gives couples a better chance for success. By going to premarital counseling and being willing to look at potential hotspots, couples are not going into a marriage unprepared. It provides couples with tools and support on how to effectively communicate with one another, as well as, how to build a healthy foundation for marriage.
“Behind every great relationship are difficult and uncomfortable conversations we rarely get to see. Great relationships don’t just fall into our laps. They require people to move through their fears and insecurities and do the hard work to move wounds into healing.”
–Vienna Pharaon
Questions You Might Have About Premarital Counseling
Why do I need to attend premarital counseling?
While premarital counseling is not required for everyone, it is definitely beneficial to all couples. Going through the SYMBIS assessment and sitting down with a trained professional will help you gain a healthy foundation for your marriage.
The discussions had during premarital counseling will help couples gain a deeper understanding of their relationship and each other. Research shows that couples are 31% less likely to get divorced if they get some sort of pre-marital training before marriage.
How long do I need to attend premarital counseling?
Premarital counseling typically lasts between 4 to 6 sessions. The longevity of the premarital counseling is determined by each couple and their counselor.
Before you begin, you will be taking the SYMBIS assessment, and all sessions will be defined by those results. This assessment will determine the couple's thoughts and ideas on mindset, wellbeing, finances, communication, gender roles, and expectations.
What if this is not the first marriage for one or both of us?
If this is not the first marriage for one or both of you, that is perfectly okay. Going to premarital counseling will only benefit you as a couple. When you have been in a serious relationship or marriage previously, there are of course, some additional factors that will need consideration. This includes discussing the needs of any children from you or your new spouse and your parenting style, as well as addressing how to ensure that either party is not trying to make the new marriage an exact replica of their last.
The SYMBIS assessment will help find potential conflicts and growth areas to help better ensure that you are ready for marriage. It will also give a roadmap on how to establish a healthy foundation, while helping identify areas within yourself that may still need work from previous relationships.
What do our scores on the SYMBIS assessment mean?
It is important to remember that SYMBIS is not a test but an assessment. This means that there is no failing or passing score. The scores on the SYMBIS are just intended to give you an assessment of different areas in your relationships.
These scores will help determine where couples are strong and identify some potential growth areas. It will also help you identify how each individual in the relationship views the relationship and through what lens.
The assessment focuses on assessing key areas in relationships such as mindset, relationship well being, finances, communications, gender roles and expectations. The scores in each of these areas are there to help the couple gain insight into their relationship, as well as help them navigate through these areas. The scores should not be taken as a pass fail concept, but rather an overview of strong points and potential growth areas.
Quick Tips For Starting Out Strong
Communicate Even When You Disagree
Disagreement between two individuals is inevitable. Relationships often require hard work and so learning to communicate effectively, even when you disagree will help to keep your relationship strong.
Some things to keep in mind when communicating when disagreeing with your partner are:
Practice good listening skills
Remember that all feelings are valid
Never belittle your partner
State your needs clearly
Get To Know Your Hotspots.
It is important to know yourself and your potential triggers as well as the areas where you commonly have conflict as a couple. Our own areas of needed growth can impede our ability to create a healthy relationship by causing tension and conflicts. Working on yourself and identifying your hotspots will help in keeping yourself grounded so that you are able to be present and healthy in your relationship.
Working as a couple to identify the areas of needed growth is also important, and is a huge focus of premarital counseling.
“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”
Sit Down with a Counselor.
One of the best ways to contribute to a healthy relationship is to work on it with a professional. Sitting down with a counselor and processing through areas of individual and relationship concern will only enhance your relationship, now and for the future.
Get connected with me today to get started, or check out the support our team can offer you when your concerns are related to parenting, dealing with teens, creating a blended family, or processing through some individual concerns.
Contact Us Today.
Whether you have found ‘the one’ or you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship, sitting down with a therapist to talk about your relationship can be the best thing for your future marriage.
Our teams believes strongly in the power of “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts”, and we’re excited to be able to share this life-changing tool with you as well!